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Well it's been a very long time since I last Blogged and within that time so many things happened I feel now looking back that my life belonged to someone else. This will not be a long blog but I felt it important to inform friends who have been checking up that my beautiful sweet girl past away March 7, 2010 @ 545pm. The reason is still in question, the death certificate says death by ammonia however because the medical examer was not pleased with the fact that the hospital gave two different reasons until the third was ammonia I was advised by the funeral home to make sure I have a trusting doctor or lawyer read the autopsy which my husband & myself both requested. It's very difficult to type and not cry which is not working right now so in time I will be back to give updates until then xoxoxoxoxo all my love!

Ok so Extraordinary Measures comes out this Friday 1/22/10 There is another Movie that is coming out that looks Good it's called Letter's to God it comes out 3/12/10!

So Tuesday came and left and Esme did not get the G-Tube I get into the hospital on Tuesday morning expecting to see the surgeon and give authorization for the G-Tube produce however when I get in Esme is as pale as a ghost and her vent settings not changing one bit (still very high). So she gets there and I'm already annoyed having gotten a phone call for a telephone authorization when I clearly told them I will be there at 9am please do not call me because I freak out 99% of the time when I see the hospital number and what did they do that's right they called me sometime I'm not sure these people have much storage in the heads for common sense anyway she tells me that with the vent settings are the level they are she feels uncomfortable opening up her abdomen because in her opinion she won't make it through the surgery basically I feel Methodist has the worst communication amongst doctors it's ridiculous because for an entire week the NICU doctors were telling the surgery team Esme was fine and all was good when I haven't seen my daughters settings change since New Years so I'm lost I have no faith in the NICU doctors I have faith in my daughters strength but not in the hands she is in I have a long weekend ahead of me I will start looking for some other place for her whether it's close or far another hospital to give her a chance at life God choose me to be Esme mother and as her mother I can't give up if by chance she has to stay at Methodist a little longer I will continue to fight to change things for her I have too

Well its been awhile things for the end of the year were a bit crazy and Esme being in the NICU was not helping at all....on 12/22/09 I get a call from one of the NICU doctors saying hello your daughter seems to have MRSA so now we have to isloate her (okay well it wasn't like that but it seemed like thats how they said it) and I was freaked here I heard MRSA and I said oh no she will have open swores and other things I have heard about MRSA but it wasn't even close to that she was just isolated and put on meds of course but she had only FLU like smytoms that was all now she is getting better.  So we are waiting for her G-Tube surgery to get done after this long wait I hope it's this week like they said but then again they said that three weeks ago and every week since then =-(  let's see!  I was told that after she gets the G-Tube done they will proably be able to adjust her settings to low ones I really hope so I pray for her to go to REHAB like ASAP!!!!!  I just feel for these babies like why does this happen and if so can they just please catch more breaks it kills me to see what not only my baby goes through but the other babies in the NICU it's like we have overstayed our welcome in the NICU now it's time to move.

Well it has been some time since I have blogged about my little critter, she is well right now she has been through many rough patches since I last updated everyone. Infections as always and now she has MRSA it's like Esme wants to have her fun before the new year because she knows she has to keep up her end of the deal so lets see how that works. Her deal being she gets better and does her part and when she comes home I will spoil her just as much as her big sis is spoiled. Backing up a bit THE FAMILY MEETING well didn't go anywhere in fact the doctor upset me & my husband so much I had to go to patient relations and request a hospital family meeting that went okay. So far much hasn't been able to get done because of the hoildays so lets see after she gets over this MRSA!!! Whats is suppose to get done we all agreed that she needs rehab however we also agreed that she needed to go somewhere closer because I will need to learn how to take care of her and westchester was just not an opition. I have come to terms with it and I totally am making an effort to be ready for the day she goes to rehab because yes I do want her closer but the truth is there is no rehab in my brough so I will have to travel so that being said it may take me not seeing her everyday and I am sort of okay with that because I know that this is what she needs to get better and I want her better and well the end result of her being home will be worth the time apart. A very good thing about rehab will be that when I do get to see her I will be able to bring her big sis along and I know her big sis will be happy about that, it's been very hard on her knowing that her sister is sick and she can't even see her. Well that all being said I would like to wish you all MERRY CHRISTAMS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! XOXOXOXOXOXO, FROM MY FAMILY TO YOURS!!!